Friends and confidantes

This post will be a little different than my usual posts, a little more personal.
Why? Because I'm cranky, pissed off.
A telephone call from a 'friend' back in Jersey yesterday morning set me off.
Another telephone call from another 'friend' last evening really put the cherry on top.
Sighs.
I should know better.
People only see from their own perspective, allowing nothing else in.
The energy of this self ish ness vs. self less ness seems to be getting stronger.
Everything is becoming more fragmented.
I tend to get cranky.
Why do I have 'friends' in quotes? Because these women are really not my friends, by definition. They are whatevers. Here is the dictionary definition of
friend
n
a person attached to another by affection or regard
syn
acquaintance, close acquaintance, confidante, repository, intimate, familiar.

I see that the definition of friend allows for gradations of friendship.
Because of my intensity, which applies to all things, I consider friendship to be more of a sacred bonding, and less of acquaintance.
Friends should help each other, support each other, care about each other, and, most importantly, be there for each other no matter what the circumstances.
Ha.
I'm hallucinating again.
That what friendship is to me. I am blessed with also possessing a friend or two who fit my definition. But mostly they are non fullfilling relationships with no discernable purpose.
I'm cranky.
I don't have a donfidant/e. This is very difficult for me. I do tend to be subjective.
I'm not dismissing my faults here. But alas and alak, enuff is enuff.

And the trip to Jersey manifested certain insights, yet my ultimate purpose, which was where do I go from here? remains yet a question.

Then we come to the resistance principal again. If there is no resistance, only complacency, no forward motion can occurr. And I'm a nutcase on resistance. Resiliant resistance at that.
You have to be resiliant in order to keep doing it over and over again. If I don't have an object of resistance I create one. Yuppers. I do that.

Oh yeah. And the Kabbalah Center is hocking my chinek again. (Hocking mein chinek - yiddish - literal translation - steal my teapot. What it means is annoyingly nagging. Hock mein chinek.)
I will not answer them, and they will most certainly not receive another half sheckel of mine.
Blah.
That is an organization which is a perfect example of only my way and no other, plus, they take as much of your money as they can get their hands on.
Not good.

Catharsis
I'm in a period of needing constant catharsis right now.
I think I'll get out my paints. Art is cathartic.
I'll paint blueness.
That'll work.
No comments on this post.